For my last segment of this series, I’m focusing on a topic that I think is extremely important to intentional living – being intentional in your relationships. When I say relationships, I mean romantic relationships, but also friendships, family, all of them. Strong, healthy relationships of any sort don’t just happen. Being intentional in the cultivation of relationships will foster an environment for them to thrive.
Being Intentional in your Relationships
In some ways, being intentional in your non-romantic relationships doesn’t look that different from the the ways you would be intentional in your romantic relationships. Relationships of all sorts take time, effort, trust, and respect.
Here are a few ideas to help foster more intentional relationships with friends and family:
- Set up a recurring once a month get-together with a friend or relative. You could meet with each friend once a month or even just get together with a different friend once a month. It all depends on your personal preference. A few ideas to inspire your get-together:
- Brunch date
- Switch off hosting dinner and make foods from somewhere different each time (or order delivery)
- Movie and wine night
- Beach day
- Do something outdoors together – go hiking, kayaking, paddleboarding, etc.
- Set a reminder to give that long-distance friend or family member a call periodically to check in and catch up
- If you want to go old-school, send a loved one snail mail. A letter, a postcard from somewhere you’re traveling, or a small gift to let them know you’re thinking of them will brighten their day. Everyone loves getting something in the mail that isn’t bills.
Romantic Relationships
It’s easy to get comfortable in a relationship, especially when you’ve been with your partner for a long time. However, true, lasting love is a daily choice. It doesn’t just happen by accident. You have to choose that person every single day of your life. Choose them as your partner, your lover, your best friend. It’s in the active choosing of them, choosing to work through your issues, choosing to put in the work and effort required to make a relationship thrive, choosing to focus on their needs and happiness – these are the things that contribute to enduring love.
Being intentional with your love for your partner will help you to continuously build a strong, healthy, thriving relationship.
Ways to be intentional with your partner:
Pay attention to the little things
The little things are so important. You should, of course, already be doing the big things like loving and respecting your partner, but oftentimes, it’s the little things that will really make their heart soar.
- Show your appreciation of each other. Something as simple as telling them that you appreciate when they do something nice for you or help out with chores around the house goes a long way.
- Go out of your way to do something nice for them. Make their coffee in the morning, pack their lunch, get dinner started so they can relax when they come home, make their favorite dessert, buy them their favorite snack when you go grocery shopping.
- Take care of a chore that you know they hate. Just knowing that you did it for them, because you know they don’t like it, will mean a lot.
Use your words wisely
“Talk to your spouse more kindly than you talk to anyone else in the world. Too often we speak the most harshly to those closest to us.”
Ever since I first read this quote, it has really stuck with me. How quick are we to snap at them when we’re stressed? I’m far from perfect, but when I find myself getting frustrated, I remind myself of this quote.
The same goes for when conflicts arise. Maybe especially when conflicts arise, since they surely will. When tensions and emotions are high, it’s important to remember that conflict is normal. The important thing is handling that conflict in a healthy and productive manner. A huge part of that is in the way you speak to your partner. You want to make sure that you are “fighting clean”. You can disagree without being disrespectful or putting the other person down. Besides, harsh words will linger long after the conflict ends.
Set aside time for just the two of you
This of course becomes exponentially harder as kids and careers come into the mix, but it’s even more important then to make sure that the two of you have time to connect. Having dedicated time is so important to being able to keep things fresh, to continue to feel connected to each other, and to ensure that you’re on the same page. Besides, who doesn’t want to be loved on by your favorite person?
A few ideas to try:
- Implement a once per week dinner where you sit down at the table together, no phones, no TV, just the two of you
- No time? Try going to bed at the same time and using that last little bit before you go to bed for a little pillow talk and catching up with your partner.
- Need some new date night ideas? You can try date night subscription boxes, take a cooking class together (or just pour some wine and try whipping up a new recipe at home), find somewhere with live music to spend the evening, get a two-player board game and have a competitive night in, or go see a comedy show together.
Express your love using their love language
Before I got married, the pastor marrying us required us to do a marriage counseling session beforehand. One of the things that struck me the most during this time was when we talked about how we communicate with others, including our partner, in the way that we preferred to be communicated to, rather than the way that is most effective for communicating with them. It’s a totally natural thing, but once you’re aware of it, you can work to communicate in styles that they are most receptive towards.
The same concept works with the way you show your partner love. Showing love in the way that we most like to be loved comes naturally. However, taking a step back and actively expressing love to our partner in the way that they like to be loved is a great way to be more intentional in your relationship.
In this regard, I like the concept of the Five Love Languages. You can read the book, but their website also has a lot of information available as well. Check it out here.
The Love Languages and a few ideas to show your love for each
- Words of Affirmation – Leave little notes to let them know how important they are, remind them all the reasons you love them, verbalize your appreciation, love, and support – let them know that you see their effort in their work, your relationship, etc.
- Acts of Service – Take care of a chore for them, surprise them with a meal when they get home, run an errand you know they’ve been meaning to do
- Quality Time – Do something that your partner loves that you normally aren’t as interested in, surprise them with a date night that you planned, put your phone/laptop/electronics away for an evening (or even an hour) and just spend uninterrupted time with them
- Receiving Gifts – Surprise them with their favorite guilty pleasure, get them a little something when you’re out and about and see something that makes you think of them, treat them to something you know they’ve been wanting but won’t buy for themself
- Physical Touch – Give them a massage at the end of a long day, curl up and cuddle next to them while you watch TV, hold their hand when you’re out and about
Not sure what yours is? Take the quiz here. Encourage your partner to take it as well!
For me, quality time is huge. That’s how I feel the most loved. When my husband takes extra time to do something with me, it fills my soul. What makes your partner feel most loved? What are things you can do to express your love in the way that they receive it best?
As we approach February (how is that even possible already?!), I hope you use some of these intentional living resources to prioritize and focus on the things that are most important in your life. Use these tools to help you reach your goals, and while practicing intentional living, don’t forget to be intentional in your relationships as well.
If you missed any of the others in this series, you can find them below.
Intentional Living Resources – Pt. 1
Intentional Living Resources – Pt. 2
Share your favorite intentional living resources with me! I’m always on the lookout for good recommendations!
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